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WELCOME TO CANADA WHERE WE LITERALLY PUT UP WARNING SIGNS FOR NESTING CANADIAN GEESE

BECAUSE LET ME TELL U ABOUT THESE FRICKERS
FIRST OF ALL THEY HAVE FUCKIN TEETH

ON THEIR TONGUES

DO YOU WANNA GO NEAR ONE? “AWW IT’S JUST A LITTLE GOOSE YOU SAY”

N O 
THESE FRICKERS WILL CHARGE YOUR ASS IF THERE IS A NEST OR NEWLY HATCHED GOSLINGS AROUND
THIS IS THE STRUT OF A GOOSE WARNING YOU THAT IT’S ABOUT TO KILL YOUR ASS

ONCE THEY DO THIS?

YOU RUN FAST AND YOU RUN FAR BECAUSE ONE OF THE PARENTS WILL FLY UP TO YOUR PUNY HUMAN FLESHBAG AND KARATE CHOP YOUR GODDAMNED NECK AND TRY TO BITE ANYTHING WITHIN REACH OK?

WHILE THE OTHER PARENT, CONSUMED WITH BLOODLUST AND THE BURNING VENGEANCE OF A SPECIES HAVING NEARLY BEEN EXTINCT AND BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE GOES AND LITERALLY TRIES TO BITE YOUR ACHILLES TENDON IN HALF. WITHOUT FAIL THESE HELLSPAWN WILL ALWAYS GO FOR THERE. DON’T KNOW WHERE THAT IS?

CONGRATULATIONS YOU NO LONGER CAN WALK OR RUN AND REQUIRE EXTENSIVE SURGERY BECAUSE OF A FUCKING GOOSE. I ASSUME THEY EAT YOU ALIVE FROM HERE OUT. THEY’RE THAT FUCKIN CRAZY.

CANADIAN GEESE ARE TERRIFYING AND THE SOURCE OF ALL CANADIAN STRIFE IN THE HISTORY OF FOREVER. I’M CANADIAN. TRUST ME. I KNOW.

THIS IS THE BRAVEST PERSON IN THE COUNTRY.

it says something about canada that your countries biggest problem is geese

i think i’ve learned everything i need to know about canadian geese in one day

GUYS, let’s not forget about the canadian goose’s evil step-cousin twice removed, the SWAN.

THESE THINGS DONT FUCK AROUND WITH YOU ACHILLES TENDON, THEY GO AFTER YOUR KNEES!

SWANS NOT ONLY ENJOY THE TASTE OF HUMAN FLESH, BUT ANIMAL BLOOD AS WELL

and im not just talking the blood of other swans, IM TALKING FULLY GROWN DEER 

and you better PRAY the day one of those things come towards your boat

because it will be all over VERY SOON my friend

SWANS, TRULY THE MOST FEARED and RESPECTED WATERFOWL IN ALL OF CANADIA

These are the species who REMEMBER that they’re actually dinosaurs

once i battled a canada goose. it took a pair of flip-flops, a billy goat, and a chicken. i still lost.

list of things to be terrified of in Canada, in order:
1. moose
2. geese
3. mama bears
4. beavers
5. skunks
6. polar bears
7. coyotes that are hungry
7. white-tailed deer in rut
8. black bears, I guess, if they’re used to being fed
9. wolves

That’s why Canadians are so nice. They are afraid that if they’re not nice, you eat them.

When I was a kid I spent a week at my Great Aunt’s place, where she had a farm with a goat and a horse, but mostly birds. They had peacocks and geese and chickens. And they had swans. 

And my second cousin and I went to catch fish from the pond together and the pond was where the two swans were kept. 

And our fishing involved 

 - one of us holding the fishing pole
 - the other acting as Swan Bait

and we’d trade spots. And when you were Swan Bait, you pretty much just had to watch in the giant looping pond to see if a swan was coming

then run over towards it so it’d see you before the fisher

then it would chase you

and you’d try to get it to chase you AWAY from where you were fishing

and these were big swans and we were like eleven like the swans were OUR SIZE and they were TERRITORIAL FUCKS

and you’d pretty much just run as fast as you could the other way, try to lose the swan, and then go back to the fishing spot

but sometimes the swan wouldn’t stop chasing and you’d just have to keep running and the person at the fishing spot would have to be like, “Well I guess they died I hope they rest in peace”

And then the other swan would appear for them. 

Reminder that there’s literally a swan named Hannibal in Wales. He’s known to have killed 15 other swans.