catbountry:

1. Do not attempt to look them in the eye. White people see eye contact as a sign of aggression and will actively oppress you should you make eye contact.
2. Stay completely still. White people, like the Tyrannosaurus Rex, have visual acuity based solely on movement.
3. If this fails and the white person attempts to engage you in conversation (i.e., “Hello!” or “Good morning!”), it is a trap. Responding to this seemingly harmless salutation is an invitation for them to rape you, feed off of your life energy and/or steal your precious spoons. Instead respond by hurling obscenities at them. Feel free to yank out your own hair or throw your own feces at them as well.
4. Remember, white people are completely incapable of feeling emotions. If they react by seemingly becoming angry or upset, disregard their petty crocodile tears and instead lunge towards them and rip off their powermask, revealing their hideous reptilian faces for all the world to see! In the off chance that this mask cannot be removed, stab them in the neck a few times, as that is where their gills are hidden.
5. Dispose of the body by lighting on fire outside of one of their cherished white, hetero, cis-gendered institutions, such as a Cracker Barrel or an Urban Outfitters. This will send a message to their hideous Hive Queen.

Congratulations! You now know the steps to delaying your horrific and inevitable oppression.

Next week, we’ll discuss how to tell if your PoC friends are secretly white-identifying. Be careful out there, warriors!